The Family: A Proclamation to the World, Q&A with President and Sister Kusch

President Bruce Kusch: Okay, I think we're all here. Thank you, choir, for that beautiful musical number, and thank you, everyone, for being here today. We wish you a good morning, brothers and sisters. We love being with you in Devotional each week, and your attendance this morning makes today another day never to be forgotten at Ensign College.

Sister Alynda Kusch: You know, one of the things that I really love about this school is that we have students who come from all over the United States and all over the world. We love to be with you. We love to see you in class, we love to see you in Devotional, and greet you here. But I really, really appreciate seeing how you work together—that regardless of what language we speak or what culture or country we come from, as we are working together as disciples of Jesus Christ, we find that we are much more alike than we are different.

President Kusch: That's very true. You know, it’s been customary at the beginning of each semester for Sister Kush and me to each give a message, and as you can see, today we’re going to do things a little bit differently. I'm very grateful for those who are here to participate in our panel today.

We'll start with Brother Matt Driggs, our Associate Registrar; Brother Dan Preswitch, one of our wonderful Institute instructors; and Jackson and Emma Holmes. Jackson is an Ensign College alum who graduated with a degree in Business Management—when, Jackson? [Jackson: 2024.] And Emma, until recently, has been working in our International Students Office, and we're very grateful to have them with us today. They're a fairly recently married couple, and we’ve invited them to participate along with these two good brethren.

There are two topics that we’d like to address today, and you were asked, in preparation to come, to read The Family: A Proclamation to the World. That’s one of the topics we’ll address. But before we get into that, we're going to have a conversation about the importance of dating, and we hope that you're all very excited about that topic today.

As we begin, brothers and sisters, I want to extend an invitation to each of you—to all of us—to open our hearts to the Holy Ghost and the ministry of the Holy Ghost. Today we’ll be discussing some topics that are really quite important. There will be more that we won’t talk about than we will talk about, just because of time. That’s why the promptings of the Holy Ghost will be so important for each and every one of us.

There will be opportunities coming up in the future to discuss these topics further. But as you were invited to read the proclamation, I hope you’ve done so prayerfully and come prepared today to be taught by the ministry of the Holy Ghost.

So Emma and Jackson, let’s just get into the dating thing right away, okay? Just tell us briefly how long you’ve been married, tell us how you met, and tell us how long you dated before you got married.

Jackson: Yeah. Well, I just want to clear the air and clarify that we’re in no way experts in dating or anything like that. But our story is pretty unique. We met just over two years ago—her cousin was a student at Ensign College with me—and we met because she set us up on a blind date. I had never met her before, and she just texted me and said, “Hey, I’d love to set you up with my cousin, Emma.” I never turned down a blind date. I wanted to take every opportunity possible, and I wanted to take advantage of that. So I said yes.

We set up a date to go get ice cream—a very generic date. And what happened, honey?

Emma: I canceled on him.

Jackson: So, our first date was a total flop. We never even saw each other. But for some reason, I felt like I should persist. And I’m glad he did. I texted her on New Year’s Day—this was two years ago—and said, “Why don’t you go skiing with me?” And she told me she’d never been skiing before, and I said, “I’ll teach you.” And that’s what we did—we went skiing. I had been dating around for, you know, for years prior to that—a lot of heartache along the way, a lot of hardship trying to figure out who was “the one.” But that day, two years ago, was the start of a new journey together.

President Kush: So, is it safe to say your relationship began on a slippery slope? (laughter)

Jackson: Something like that.

Emma: A very slippery and very icy slope. (laughter)

President Kush: I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist.

So, Sister Kush and I are often asked how we met, and there's an interesting story that goes along with our first date. Alynda, would you like to share that?

Sister Kush: Well, I'm really glad that he asked me to talk about this, because if you ask him… he lies.

He will tell you that the first time we saw each other, we actually met in a choir that was sponsored by the Institute of Religion in Cerritos, California. I was singing with the choir, he had come back from his mission and was going to join the choir again. So, we saw each other across the room. I will frankly admit to you that I smiled at him, but I did not wink. (laughter)

So on our first date, we went to a local amusement park. They had a very nice restaurant for dinner. And then he said, “Why don’t we go and ride some of the rides?” I thought, “Well, that sounds fun.” So, we’re walking along the promenade and he sees a couple from his home ward. He said, “Oh, there’s Tom and Deianne. I would really like to introduce you to them.” And I said, “Okay.”

So Tom and DeAnne walk up to us, we walk up to them, and he says, “Tom and DeAnne, this is…” (total blank). And he will tell you now that he lies about that too. He says, “I didn’t forget your name. I was just so smitten.” And I thought, you are such a liar.

But I finally had to tell him my name. And see, I’m kind of glad we have that story, because I can hold that over his head for eternity.

President Kush: Wow. There are some things that are endless and eternal… (laughter)

In May of 2023, President and Sister Oaks spoke to the young adults of the Church about dating, marriage, and the Proclamation. President Oaks shared two points of data that I’d like to share this morning.

The first was data on the percentage of adults in the United States who had ever been married. You can see the difference between 1990 and 2020 when these statistics were recorded. In 1990, 78% of men and 72% of women had ever been married. Thirty years later, the numbers dropped to 70.3% of men and 62% of women.

The second data point was the average age of first marriages for members of the Church. This was measured from 1970 to 2020. In 1970, the average age of a man getting married was 23, and for a woman, it was 21. Fifty years later, it was nearly 29 for men and nearly 27 for women.

Both of these trends, President Oaks mentioned, are not necessarily the most positive, and he expressed concern on the part of Church leadership.

There are probably a lot of societal issues at play here that we don’t have time to get into, but some of the reasons young people are postponing marriage today could include fear, or a desire to be more established before entering into marriage.

So, I’d like to ask Dan and Matt if you would share your thoughts on these trends and decisions to postpone marriage. Matt, you’re currently serving as a bishop as well, so please share from that perspective.

Brother Preswitch: I think maybe more than ever, our young adult friends feel like dating is so high-stakes. As Jackson talked about—it’s scary. You feel like eternity is on the line every time.

I love to teach Religion 200—The Eternal Family. I know a lot of people are afraid to take it because we talk about big subjects and hard questions, but I have loved teaching it over the years.

I think of President Nelson when he gave the classic talk, Choices for Eternity. He said, if we know we are children of God, children of the covenant, and disciples of Christ, we can manage the storms of life.

I think of the Savior with the woman at the well. She’d had some serious relationship problems, as we read in John 4. One of the messages He had for her was that if she would trust Him, she would be more able to navigate the challenges of her life.

That’s what I hope students will feel here at Ensign College—in all their courses. If I come to know who I am and come to know the Savior, I’ll be willing to take the kind of risks that Jackson took when he made that follow-up phone call. I’m so glad he did. When we rely on the Savior and know Him, we become resilient.

I'm not saying it's never going to hurt or that there won’t be hard things—but you’ll be much more resilient with the help of His grace. I know that’s true, in life and especially in dating.

Brother Driggs: Thanks, Dan. I strongly agree.
We live in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It's not just the Church of Jesus Christ—though His name is the most important part. But Latter-day tells us something—it tells us we live in a time when Babylon is all around us.

We're surprised by some of the things we see and struggle with. I see a variety of individuals struggling even to have social communication—whether that’s because of social media or our technology. But I really appreciate watching the rising generation seize the moment when it comes to any commandment they’ve been given.

And maybe until now, dating and marriage were somewhat disregarded. In 1995, when the Proclamation came out, things seemed pretty hunky-dory. But we’ve changed as a society. We need to adjust our priorities—even though that’s difficult—because the world is throwing its priorities at us and telling us how to live.

It reminds me of 2 Kings, I believe—correct me if I’m wrong, President Preswitch—but the idea of the children of Israel entering into the land and noticing all the nations around them had kings. They went from judges to kings, and that was not a comfortable transition—because it was popular to have a king.

Well, in today’s day and age, it's not popular to do the normal things the Lord has asked us to do—things that seemed popular in 1995, 1970, and the years behind us. But I appreciate that I’m witnessing more youth and young adults committing to and making dating and marriage a priority in their lives.
From a bishop’s standpoint, I am seeing a different trend—there’s still work to do for all of us—but there are unique challenges for each person. It’s a one-by-one relationship we need to approach.

President Kush: Thank you. I guess if there’s one final thing I’d say, it’s: Don’t be afraid.

Don’t be afraid. And I say that from personal experience. I went through a little bit of fear on my own part in our relationship. We won’t go into detail today, but it was completely unfounded.

So I would just say—don’t fear, and don’t think you have to have everything figured out when you start. Because that’s part of the adventure.

Okay. With the time that remains, we’re going to transition into some discussion on The Family: A Proclamation to the World. We’re going to look at some quotes from the Proclamation and from President Oaks.

This first slide comes right from the beginning of the Proclamation:

“We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

“The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.”

Brothers and sisters, I wanted to begin with this slide because it clearly establishes the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints with regards to the family and marriage. It is unequivocal. It is prophetic. It is profound. It is inspired. And it is what the Lord intends for us to understand about the family and about relationships—in mortality and throughout all of the eternities.

In the October 2017 General Conference—just months before he became a member of the First Presidency—President Oaks gave a talk called The Plan and the Proclamation.

I want to read two paragraphs from his remarks. He said:

“Converted Latter-day Saints believe that the family proclamation, issued nearly a quarter century ago and now translated into scores of languages, is the Lord’s reemphasis of the gospel truths we need to sustain us through challenges to the family.”

“Forty years ago, President Ezra Taft Benson taught that, ‘Every generation has its tests and its chance to stand and prove itself.’ I believe our attitude toward and use of the family proclamation is one of those tests for this generation. I pray for all Latter-day Saints to stand firm in that test.”

Alynda, you were in the meeting in September of 1995 when President Hinckley read the Proclamation for the very first time in the Relief Society session. Would you comment on what you remember and what you felt?

Sister Kush: Well, this was before all the sessions of General Conference were broadcast. At that time, both the priesthood session and the General Relief Society session—you had to actually go to the stake center to view them.

So I went with some of my friends, and we were sitting there when President Hinckley read the Proclamation. Our reaction to it was: “Well, of course—that’s what we believe. That’s what we do.”

So it was interesting then to see the decline in belief in what the Proclamation teaches—and to realize that 10 years later, 20 years later, and now 30 years later—prophets saw things. They taught us principles that would help us, even though at the time we had no idea that we would need them.

President Kush: Thank you.

Matt, you’re serving as a bishop, as we mentioned. What would you say to a member of your ward who came for counsel and said, “Bishop, I consider myself a converted Latter-day Saint, but I have some problems with the Proclamation”?

Brother Driggs: Yeah. Like I said before, we have Babylon all around us. It’s very difficult.

I have a specific experience. I have a member in my ward—ironically, she later became my Relief Society president—but her husband passed away very unexpectedly at the age of 50.

She came in recently—after having served as Relief Society president—and asked me for advice about dating, and she expressed concerns about trying to meet what the Proclamation asks us to do.

My responses have been very much about faith and about experimenting. I mean, we learn in Alma 32—if I could read it quickly:

“Behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my word.”

That is my advice to anyone struggling with any doctrine—not just the family. With anything, the invitation is to experiment upon the word.

Our Heavenly Father is very kind in allowing us space to figure things out. Most of us learn the hard way. In fact, all of us have learned in some way, shape, or form—the hard way. That’s what repentance is for.

Through that experiment, we come to understand what happiness and joy truly are in the family. That’s the kind of counsel I’d give to many individuals.
Ether 12:12 is another great one about having faith in Jesus Christ. Do we truly believe Him when He says, “I will walk with you”? That’s the theme for the youth this year. I hope it’s all of our theme, too—to walk with Him.

That’s the advice I try to give.

President Kush: Excellent, thank you.

There’s one more statement we’re going to read. If we could bring that slide up, it’s this one:

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”

When I was serving as a young single adult stake president in Rexburg—now many, many years ago—I would always read this paragraph from the Proclamation to young couples who came in to be interviewed for marriage.

And I would suggest that, probably in many cases, it would be the brother who would be practicing repentance, and the sister who would be practicing forgiveness. But in any regard, this is a formula for success in a marriage.

Sister Kush, would you just comment on this?

Sister Kush: Well, President and I have talked a lot about this in the last few days, and I said to him, of all the statements in the Proclamation, this one:

“Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ…”

—says everything to me about what the Proclamation means.

If you know that happiness is what you want—if you want happiness in your family, happiness in your relationship, happiness in life—then here is the formula for that:

Faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and I love that it includes wholesome recreational activities.

But for me, that single sentence says it all. It’s the foundation of everything else the Proclamation teaches.

President Kush: Thank you. Jackson and Emma, please—any thoughts?

Jackson: Yeah, I just wanted to say that I used to think, before I got married, that being married just meant having somebody to come along with me on my journey.

But that’s not it at all. It’s quite the contrary.
We’re creating something together. And I think that has become my new definition of what a happy family life is—what it becomes. Because now, we are practicing all of these principles together. And we’re redefining what it means together. We’re learning the gospel of Jesus Christ together. And to me—that’s what happy is.

Emma: I agree. And I think there were some key moments during our dating that really set the foundation for our marriage.

One of them was on that first date when we went skiing. I remember feeling a lot of respect from Jackson. That’s one of the key parts of this equation.
He had some friends there with dates, and they could have easily just gone off skiing on their own—because I didn’t know how to ski—but he stayed with me. He taught me. He was patient.

And throughout our whole relationship, he’s always been conscious of serving me.

A few weeks after we met, we actually traveled overseas to Japan, where my family lives. That was a huge sacrifice of time for him—and money as well. I asked him, “Why are you doing this for me? We don’t know each other that well. We can tell there’s something different; we can tell we like each other—maybe even love each other at that point—but why are you doing this?”

And he said, “Because there’s something real about this relationship.”

Things that happened on that first date really set the tone for that—his willingness to serve. And that continued throughout dating. As we had to commute to see each other, it was a sacrifice of time. But it was so worth it in so many ways to continue building our relationship and learning how to better respect each other.

President Kush: Thank you.

Dan, I want to go back and revisit that statement from President Benson where he said:

“Every generation has its tests and its chance to stand and prove itself.”

Would you just comment on that?

Brother Preswitch: Yeah. Again, I love teaching Religion 200. We get to talk about all the fears and feel the grace of the Savior helping us—strengthening us—to be brave and act in faith.

As I thought and prepared for today, Mark chapter 10 came to mind. It’s a really interesting chapter. It recounts the Savior’s journey from His home territory down to Jerusalem—His final journey. And we catch a few snippets from His life and ministry.
One of them is a conversation about marriage, where He’s challenged about some current ideas in His day. And He teaches the doctrine: that marriage is ordained by God between a man and a woman, and meant to be permanent.

Shortly after that, the apostles try to turn away children—and the Savior says, “No, bring them.” He reminds them that children are essential to the Father’s plan. His plan can’t go forward without children coming to earth.

Then, the very next story is of the rich young ruler—a good man who’s lived a good life, doing good things. He has accumulated wealth—we’re not told how—but the Savior invites him to re-evaluate his priorities, to give up his wealth in the pursuit of serving God.

As I think of our young people today, they are incredibly wealthy—in time. And time, I would argue, is one of the greatest forms of wealth we have. I know many wealthy people who would trade their money for more time.

So how do we use that time? I think that’s one of the tests of this life.

Will I use my time to minister—to my fellow men, to my spouse, to my date? Will I see dating as something I get, or something I give?

Will I go on a date to try and help someone feel seen, heard, and valued?

In marriage, am I here to lift?

I like to say in my classes: Marriage is a ministry. Parenthood is a ministry. It most closely approximates the ministry of our Heavenly Father.
But it takes sacrifice—of time, and probably of money. The blessings, however, are eternal. Much greater than anything that could ever be purchased.

President Kush: Thank you.

Jackson: And just to add—Emma told me the other day, “We do better, and we have a better relationship, when we turn outward—to each other and to others—instead of turning inward and making it about ourselves.”

And that’s what this whole idea of marriage as a ministry is all about.

President Kush: Thank you. Thank you, Matt and Dan and Jackson, Emma, for your comments today.
Thank you, everyone, for being here. I hope that you have felt the Holy Ghost teach you some things as you’ve heard some things—and maybe teach you some things that weren’t said, but that you felt in your heart and in your mind.

Sister Kush, would you like to conclude with some thoughts? And then I’ll conclude.

Sister Kush: I am really grateful for The Family: A Proclamation to the World, because it teaches me two very important truths.

The first is that we are led by prophets—as evidenced by this document. For most of you, it was crafted and delivered before you were born. But prophets saw things. Prophets know things. Heavenly Father teaches them so that they can teach us.

So—follow the prophet. He knows the way.
The second thing is, as I read the Proclamation, I realize how much Heavenly Father loves you—and loves me.

Because of that love, His desire is for us to have happiness in this life and a better life after. The principles from the Proclamation are given to us by a loving Heavenly Father who wants you to be happy, to feel joy—the kind of joy that He would like for you to feel in this life.

And of that—from my own experience—I know.

President Kush: Thank you.
There are so many thoughts going through my mind this morning, brothers and sisters.

I want to make a comment about families in general, and the families that we grow up in.
I did not grow up in what would be considered a traditional Latter-day Saint home. My father was not a member of the Church. My mother came from pioneer stock—generations of Latter-day Saints—but I wasn’t raised in a typical Latter-day Saint home.
My father was very supportive. He was loving and happy to support my mother and me in our activity in the Church.

But I was determined that my children would be born in the covenant. I was determined that I would do everything I could to find a righteous woman to not only share mortality with, but to share eternity with.

And I’m grateful to say that I succeeded at that. I’m grateful for Alynda and for everything she means to me, to our children, and to our grandchildren.

I want to bear testimony, as Alynda did, of the importance of trusting prophets, seers, and revelators.

In the book of Mosiah, chapter 8, we read that:

“A seer can know of things which are past, and also of things which are to come, and by them shall all things be revealed. Or, rather, shall secret things be made manifest, and hidden things shall come to light, and things which are not known shall be made known by them.”

In 1995, when the Proclamation was given to the world, there were things that prophets knew that the rest of us didn’t—and didn’t understand. But they did. Because they are prophets, seers, and revelators.

The Proclamation is vitally important. It is doctrine. It is what we should follow as we live our lives, as we plan for future families, and as we have our families.

But at the end of the day, what matters most for me about the Proclamation is that it came from fifteen prophets, seers, and revelators, who signed their names to that document.

Most of those individuals are no longer with us in those callings—but several still are.

Regardless of that, at the time, they shared a document that we all need to follow and pay attention to.

Again, I cannot—with more emphasis—bear my testimony of the importance of trusting and following living prophets.

They know.

And I know that because I know them.
And I pray that in our hearts, our minds, our souls—with everything we have—we will be committed to following prophetic guidance.

It is vital for our safety. It is vital for our security. It is vital for our families. And it is vital for our eternal lives.

And of this, I bear my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.